Equilibrium
by WildWolf7
Summary: Sometimes, comfort takes form in the unlikeliest of places.


**Title:** Equilibrium  
><strong>Pairing: <strong>Lightning/Fang, heavily implied Lightning/Serah  
><strong>Rating: <strong>T  
><strong>Words: <strong>3,142  
><strong>Song Inspiration: <strong>"Getting Late" - Floetry

**Disclaimer: **I absolutely do not own these characters as they belong to their rightful owners. I'm just using them for writing practice.

**A/N: **Here's the deal. I _really_ wanted to write a FangRai, and this is the product. I somewhat based it on the song, but it didn't exactly end the way I initially intended, which is fine considering I like this ending a lot better. This is my first time writing Fang in anything so please forgive me if it's a bit sloppy. Anyway, I may consider doing more FangRai in the future, but we'll just see about that. Enjoy!

* * *

><p>Voices. Too many voices. Can't focus. Worried crystal eyes, almost apologetic. Door slams shut. Lock clicks.<p>

Silence.

Finally.

Lightning sits on the edge of the bed, crinkling the perfectly made comforter underneath her weight. The entire room reeks of perfection. The "white picket fence, two kids, and a dog" type of perfection. Ghosts of ordered decorations and planned out color schemes haunt her in the shadows. Her stomach churns at the thought of seeing ivory. Flicking the light on wouldn't help; it'd just throw everything back in her face. She doesn't need that, not now. She needs to forget. Having a drink or five is starting to sound tempting.

She changes into more comfortable clothing, peeling off the day's stench of happiness. Ugh. Shouldn't she be happy as well? Wouldn't that be the "correct" way to feel?

Massaging her pounding head, she pads to the safety of the balcony. A short breath escapes her as she rests her arms on the railing.

There's a warm breeze in the late night air, a subtle, salty tang of the vast ocean. It reminds her of a home she once loved so much – a home she shared with… No. Forget it. She can't ruin the moment. She's been ruined enough today.

Embraced in moonlight, she gazes over rippling waves and distant vessels. The usual buzz and cacophony of city life can't reach her from here, and she's grateful for it. Focusing on other things usually brings her peace. Controlling her anger never was a specialty of hers.

Anger. Anger is an outlet for her, a way to keep her other emotions in check. Anger is a shield, a façade. She's always had a habit of bottling everything in, never releasing until it builds up and erupts in a slew of poisonous words and violent strikes. Military work or driving a knee into a training dummy allows her to direct that anger, to release it with no negative consequences. But, there's always another way. Or… there "was" another way. That was ripped and stolen from her earlier in the day.

_Stop thinking._

One... Two…

A few deep breaths, and she relaxes again. Pondering on the day isn't the reason she's staring out over gently rolling waves. She aims to forget.

She shifts her weight onto one leg, flinching at the creak of the door opening. Didn't she lock that?

Her heart hammers in her ribcage. A few familiar voices catch her ear, all of them in excitement, before the door whispers shut and the lock clicks. She grips the railing with both hands, knuckles whitening. Footsteps scrape the hardwood floor. She cuts her eyes to the side.

"Lightning?"

_Oh._ Her body, tightened and tense, unwinds at the voice, one deeper than she's used to, slightly accented. She admits she didn't expect this visitor.

"What?"

The owner of the voice draws closer. "Hey, don't get snippy with me. I was wonderin' where you ran off to."

So maybe her response _was_ a little snappy. She doesn't mean the attitude.

She sighs. "What is it, Fang?"

Lightning doesn't turn. From the corner of her eye, she notes the tall, dark woman leaning back against the railing, staring at her.

"Just seeing if you were okay."

Lightning narrows her eyes. She turns to Fang and crosses her arms. This is out of the ordinary; it isn't every day that Fang just up and asks how she's doing.

Fang throws her hands up defensively. "Look, I know what you're thinking, and it isn't the case. I saw you stormin' off, and I got a little worried."

"I bet."

The Pulsian woman furrows her brows, and clicks her tongue, ambling back into the room.

Lightning focuses on the view once more, hearing shifting and thumps behind her. It doesn't take long before Fang returns to the spot next to her on the balcony. Lightning peers over. Fang mimics her stance near the railing, visibly more comfortable than just seconds ago. She seems to be dressed to sleep, with baggy shorts hanging off her hips and a sports bra covering her chest.

Near-silence looms in the air, and what Lightning hears is the whisper of ocean wind mixing with Fang's sigh.

"You wanna talk?"

"No."

"Talking" isn't something she does well, and she's sure it'll go nowhere. Still, Fang scrutinizes her.

Lightning aims to divert her attention once more, but Fang interrupts.

"Listen, Sunshine-"

"Don't call me that."

Fang scratches the back of her head, ruffling inky hair underneath her fingers. "Habit, sorry. Look, Lightning. Aside from Vanille, you're my best friend. So don't go thinking for a second that I came here on someone else's behalf. I happen to care about you, you know. If you ever need me to go bustin' some faces in or tellin' someone off, you know I'd do it for you."

Lightning can't help the small smile that graces her lips. "I know. But, I don't need you sticking up for me."

Fang chuckles. She gazes out over the ocean, resting on her forearms and shifting her weight onto her left leg. Midnight hair billows in the breeze, uncovering sharp, angular features and intense eyes Lightning knows are a beautiful shade of emerald. Hardened muscles flex under subtle movements and dusky skin. Despite the various scars of past battles marring her features, Fang encompasses every aspect one would think of in a huntress, equal parts strength and beauty.

Something inside Lightning wants to cry out, to spill her story to one of the few she's trusted her entire life. She opens her mouth to speak, but stops to admire calming waves.

Fang speaks first. "You don't have to talk if you don't want to. Most of the group is getting out of the beach house tonight and tomorrow before Serah and Snow go on their honeymoon. Didn't want ya to miss out."

Calloused fingers clutch the railing, turning knuckles into a sickening shade of bone. Lightning steels her jaw, uttering nothing in response.

"Lightning, what's the matter with you? I've never seen you this upset. I told you, I swear I'm not here on Serah's behalf. But, you know she's worried about you-"

"_Don't._" The former savior's voice rumbles low in the small space between them. She doesn't want to hear it. That's what her time alone is supposed to fix, the welled-up rage for something she can't control. She _hates_ not being in control; it's a sign of weakness to her. But this…situation isn't hers to control. She knows this, but it doesn't mean it hurts any less.

Fang stays silent for a minute. Lightning hears her shuffling to the side, probably turning towards her. She doesn't bother to face her.

"'Don't' what? I just said your sister is worried about you and… Wait, is _that_ why you're upset?"

Lightning glares at her and sucks her teeth.

"I can't believe I didn't see this before." Fang chuckles into her hand, muttering in her native tongue.

_Shit_. Lightning's heart pounds in her chest. Her nails tap the railing, patience growing thin. If Fang's going to berate her, yell at her like some unclean heathen, she'd prefer it to be prompt. She's used to people judging her by now and normally couldn't give any less of a damn, but the gravity of the situation makes the air she breathes that much heavier. A part of her wants to sleep, to wake up the next morning in hopes that everything can just return to normal. But hell, what _is_ normal anymore?

"You're upset because Serah married Snow." Fang's voice is just above a whisper in the ocean breeze.

Lightning's insides constrict. No, that isn't exactly the response she expects, and she absolutely refuses to hear that again, much less experience it. But the memories of the day flood back without warning - her sister's loving smile under a hot sun, uttered "I do's," a kiss that lasts far too long. She shakes her head, trying to rid herself of the nightmares she knows she'll have, but fails.

"Hey, Sunshine. You okay?"

What does she even say to that? Fang's done no wrong to her. Lightning trusts her more than anyone she's ever met. Maybe… just maybe tackling this head on will help for once.

"No."

Fang frowns. "Look, you say whatever you need to say, alright? I won't judge you. I- ah, I know talking ain't your thing, but just try it. I promise I'm a good listener. Ask Vanille." She puts on a proud smile before it drops into oblivion.

Lightning supposes she can do that, at least.

"So, what's got you all in a funk? I thought you were happy about your little sister getting married."

Was that how it seemed to everyone? How amusing.

"I never was," she spat out. "All this time. For at least a thousand years, I was under the impression that I was…happy for her. I was to an extent. But everything, all the feelings I harbored in the past, they came rushing back to me." She pauses, scraping her nail against the wood grain of the balcony.

"What do you mean?"

Lightning laughs, a sour scoff conveying her mood. "Snow, for one. Granted, I didn't hate him as much after the l'Cie incident, but I still wasn't completely on board with him wanting to propose so soon. And Serah." Her face twists into an ugly, bitter sneer. "She was more than happy to go through with it."

Fang hums in affirmation.

"Snow. He… he makes my _blood_ boil." Lightning grits her teeth. "It seems like he stops at nothing to try and take Serah away from me. He's reckless. He never thinks ahead, and he's always putting other people in danger. And I'm supposed to accept that?"

Fang taps her chin and nods; Lightning hopes it's in agreement.

"Yeah, can't argue with ya there. Snow ain't exactly the bastion of making great decisions, but he's a great guy. You can't deny that."

"I'm aware."

Of _course_, she knows that. The entire group has spent countless hours around one another, even before this life, so there's no way she can't know. Besides the fact that Snow reminds her so much of her late father, personality-wise, he isn't a _terrible_ person. In fact, he's too optimistic for his own good. There's nothing wrong with hoping for the best in a situation and trying whatever possible to achieve that goal, but when it places others' lives in danger? Serah doesn't need someone so rash. She's all Lightning has in the world.

"Serah. She… she just deserves better than him." Lightning balls her fists on top of the railing. The anger and rage begins to well up again. Maybe trying to convey her issues isn't the best course of action. Damn, she needs to drive her fist into something right now, preferably that giant dumbass's face.

Fang takes a step forward. "Lightning. You're shaking."

Is she? Lightning eyes her hand. Sure enough, she notices violent tremors she can't seem to control. She clicks her tongue.

"I'm fine."

"Whatever you say."

Fang draws closer to Lightning, barely two feet away. "You know, Lightning. If I had my say on it, I'd say this was more about _Serah_ than it is about your dislike for Snow."

The former savior holds her tongue. She narrows her eyes at Fang, whose attention seems to be taken by sluggish clouds and the twinkling of stars overhead. She seems lax, not a care in the world. Being in crystal stasis twice so long ago and witnessing the end and beginning of an old and new world must have changed her outlook, as if there are more important things in life to stress over. Fang directly contradicts her foul mood, and she curses herself for being so negative. Still, the huntress…isn't entirely wrong.

"You ain't said a word yet, so I'll take that as a 'yes.' So, what is it? What do you have against your sister? She looks up to you, you know. She loves you more than anyone in the world; we all see that."

_Sister._

That's what they are, aren't they? Flesh and blood, together until death? Lightning shivers at the thought of her name rolling off Serah's tongue, but purges the thought from her mind. Some bonds are never meant to be defiled in such a way. She supposes it's her own fault that today's events took place. Even so, the sinking feeling in her stomach returns at Fang's words. She wants to leave, to forget this conversation even existed. Turning away from Fang, her rage boils into a fever pitch.

"Hey, what's up now? Was it something I said?"

"No," she lies. "Snow. He- he'll never love Serah the way I do."

Fang's eyes narrow. She looks down for a second before they widen, and her head bobs in a slow nod. "Ah…"

Lightning's cheeks and ears burn, and her fist tightens. "I'm going to sleep." Maybe that's all she needs for now. She can't be bothered to ponder on the issue any longer; she's barely containing her emotions as it is.

Padding back into the room, Lightning flops onto the bed, pulling a pillow over her face. It doesn't take long before she hears footsteps behind her. A corner of the bed sinks, and she turns her body away, facing the wall.

"Leave me alone, Fang."

"I will. Just- give me a sec, alright?"

Fangs climbs into bed beside her. Her light breathing catches Lightning's ear, and Lightning figures she's lying on her back. The former savior would have been tense in this situation, if this hadn't happened so many times before.

"Vanille and I," Fang starts. "It isn't the same, but I always thought of her as my sister. I was the one who took care of her when we were little. Stood up for her if people picked on her, that sorta thing."

A part of Lightning has no desire to hear this. She huffs into the pillow. How dare Fang try to compare the gravity of her situation to her own? But… she's only trying to help.

Fang continues. "After a while, things got a bit weird between us. Can't really explain it, but we got closer. A lot closer. I got invested." She sighs. "This was before we met all of you. Since then, things have changed. We've met other people. And now-" Fang chuckles. "-Vanille's busy having her fun dancing around Hope."

"Fang, what does this have to do with me?"

"Geez, Sunshine, snippy much? Look, I'm not trying to compare our situations at all, because they're not the same. I _know _they're not the same. And frankly, what you do is your business. All I'm getting at is that you ain't gotta be so angry about it. I did. Tried not to. Messed us up real good for a bit. But I got over it. She cares about me a lot, and I was wrong for letting my feelings get in the way of seeing that. Your sister loves you. Don't mess that up."

Lightning grumbles into the pillow. As much as it pains her to admit, Fang is right. She _knows_ Serah loves her more than anyone in the world. But somehow she feels as if Serah's chosen Snow over her.

"How do I even get through that? She's married to _Snow_, for fuck's sake. Serah doesn't need me anymore. I just- I feel so-"

"Alone? Replaced?"

"Yeah." And just like that, Lightning feels as if she's taken a heavy blow to the chest. Serah is the only family she has in the world. To go from risking her life every day for Serah to seeing her younger sister's hand being taken in marriage left a growing hole in the woman's chest, a void, so to speak. In seconds, it dawns on her – Serah no longer needs her. She has Snow now and… she no longer needs her.

Everything hurts.

Fang's voice grows closer. "Lightning. I've been through it before. I know what it feels like, believe me, I do. But you can't let that affect you."

In the darkness of the room, Lightning bows her head. She curls her legs up closer to herself, and her fingers clutch at her shirt over her heart.

"I know."

Fang shifts behind her – she can't tell how – until a hand flicks across her back. Lightning freezes.

"Fang. I'm-"

No response. The hand lingers on her back, running over the fabric of her tank top.

Lightning grabs the huntress's forearm. _"Fang."_

"Lightning. You don't need to resort to anger to deal with it. There are other ways."

Lightning ghosts a small smile; she interprets the implication behind the whisper in her ear, but shoves the possibility away. Her grip loosens, and she's met with a hand entangling hers. Fingers explore, caress, and massage before wrapping within her own. They're larger and calloused, more so than hers, but still feminine in form. She allows their joined hands to cross over her midsection and hesitantly sets them next to her. A sigh escapes her as she removes the pillow from her face.

Fang takes the opportunity to close in. Breasts brush against and press into Lightning's back. Heated breath plays over the nape of her neck, inky hair pools around rose, and suddenly she feels as if she can't move.

Granted, this isn't the first time she's shared a bed with the Oerban, nor is it the first time they've been this close. Lightning's never had a reason to escalate things before, but what about now? Would it even matter anymore? Even as Fang's nose settles into the crook of her neck, she still has her doubts. Fang's always been touchy-feely, Vanille as well, but Lightning attributes that to cultural differences. She's just…she's still unsure.

Lightning tilts her head forward, and Fang gives a whine in protest. The arm around Lightning's waist pulls her closer. Her back is flush against a warm and firm front side. She lies there, face heating up, as even breaths tickle her neck.

"Relax, Sunshine. Just relax. I'm here for you."

Was she? She _tries_ relaxing, attempts to even her breathing, but she's still on edge. Serah exists beyond those four walls of the room, no doubt within five feet of Snow. The more she ponders on it, the faster her eyes burn. Sniffling, she wipes her eyes with her palm. Some part of her gives in, and she relaxes into the form behind her, slight tremors wracking her body. Physical comfort was the last thing she ever thought she'd need, but right now, she feels less than weak and almost hates herself for it.

Fang secures her grip on the soldier. "It's okay, Lightning. Everything'll be okay. I promise."

Somehow, just somehow, Lightning finds herself believing her.


End file.
